Resolutions with Rounded Edges

Editor’s Note: I started writing this on New Year’s Eve. In typical fashion, life tends to take over, not to mention that this last year was a doozy. I have found it hard to muster the energy to write. It’s just been a sort of ho-hum-type of existence of late. So, yes, this is coming to you a bit delayed. But, hey, the desire to make life changes (resolutions) can come at any time of year, not just the new year, right?!

I typically don’t like to speak for my readers, but I assume it’s safe to say that we are all glad to be rid of a year that will most certainly go down in infamy. Goodbye and good riddance 2020! It’s been a long and exhausting year to be sure. So, I’m looking forward to ushering in a little more light and (self)love in 2021.

I’m definitely not one for New Year’s resolutions. In fact, I’ve tried it a few times and have failed at every attempt within the first month, if not two weeks. I’ve tried diets, exercise routines, setting goals, and each attempt can be seen, like a red hot meteor, falling from the sky. As I type this, I can almost hear the words, “shot down in a blaze of glory” from Bon Jovi. It makes me smile a bit.

So, while I’ve proven that resolutions are not my thing, I do want to try again this year, but with goals that feature more rounded edges. There are no sharp guidelines or timelines, there are no hard and fast rules. Just an effort. And, this year, that effort will be guided by three principals: attention to health, grace for self, and love of self.

I think these three things are the perfect trifecta for success. Note that I didn’t say, “lose weight,” or “build more core strength.” Instead, I plan to just remind myself to be more aware of my health, that is, how I’m feeling mentally and physically. Let’s face it, I’m no spring chicken! I used to run 10 miles almost every day. Now, I’m lucky if I can run for 3 minutes. It’s sad how we can let ourselves go; how life can get in the way of life. We have kids. We have jobs. We have stress. (Yes, yes. I know that exercise is a stress reliever. I’ve been around that block before and agree that it does wonders for reducing stress. But, sometimes, the weeds are so thick we can’t see beyond what’s happening in the moment.)

This, my friend, is where grace for self comes in. Time to pull myself up, dust myself off, and get back in the game. Only this time, there won’t be any negative words spoken to myself. There will be no chiding, nor self-ridicule, nor self-shame. In its place, there will only be grace and acceptance. I have to realize that I’m not going to run 10 miles after only walking for two weeks, and guess what, that’s ok. For me, the point is that I am moving again.

During the tragic year through which we’ve just come, I definitely became more sedentary. The memes that were floating around about wearing sweatpants were all pretty accurate. Maybe it’s middle-aged spread, but I’m guessing it’s not all that. If I had to make a wager, I would say that I got pretty comfy in my home office. It’s a cozy little corner, but there’s no one to talk to, to connect with. I don’t have the luxury of getting up and walking to my friend’s office for the latest news, or to simply just vent about life, work, love, kids, traffic…you know, the usual. So, I sit here, all day, every day for five days a week. Deskbound.

That, I am hoping, will change this year. I hope to keep the mindset to keep moving. And, in moving more, I’m hoping to change my outlook. Being overweight is a funny thing. I’ll write about that later in, “The Heavy Weight of Weight.” For now, it leads me to my final commitment for the year. Self-love. I know some of you have mastered it. I, however, am on the other side of the spectrum. It is going to be a big mental leap for me to realize that I am loveable. I am ok. I am secure.

When I find myself going down the dark road ensnarled with spindly branches that reach out and grab an idea or thought, particularly negative thoughts and feelings, I will try to turn around. I will try to exchange those harsh words with words of kindness. After all, I want to be my best friend, not my worst enemy. And, in the past, I’ve been rather unkind with my words. I deflect when someone tries to pay a compliment. In my mind, I chew it up and spit it out and replace their kindness with words like, “They don’t mean that! You’re not that good.” Or, just simply, “You don’t deserve it.” And, if I’m being honest, those comments fall on the milder side of the mountain. Sometimes, my comments can be downright malicious.

Well, thank goodness it’s a new year. I’m a year older and a little wiser. It’s taken me a while to realize that resolutions don’t work for me. So, I’m hoping this newly expressed dedication to stick to something a little less rigid, with more rounded edges, will help me find a path to happiness. After all, I will be healthier, more gracious, and will hopefully, finally love myself entirely. It will be a long road to be sure. And, honestly, no one wants to go down that road alone. So, if you want a growth partner, please feel free to reach out!

As I embark on this journey, I want to wish you all a happy and healthy 2021!