The Rant of a MAD Woman!

As I sit here trying to write a post on self-care as a working mom of four kids, I can't get my mind off of the goings-on in our country today, this week, this year. How can this be our reality? A friend said to me last week after the Breonna Taylor failure, "it's like we're living in a movie with a bad director. We can see the exit, but we can't seem to get out."

I, myself, have experienced racism. I have been called a "Jap." I worked in an office where someone was recounting the story of their honeymoon in Fiji and repeatedly called the other tourists, "stupid fucking Japs!" I have been asked by a 70-year old man, "How can you buy a Japanese car? Haven't you heard of Pearl Harbor?" I have been called "slant eyes" by kids in school. I have had someone say to their friend, "How can you be with her? Her eyes make me sick."

I have been on the receiving side of racism, and it hurts like hell. The scars are permanent. They have caused me to devalue myself for years. I still struggle occasionally with telling people I'm Japanese because they may not like me. Alarm bells go off. "Proceed with caution," I tell myself before telling someone I'm part Japanese. Despite the fact that I've grown to become proud of being Japanese, I still have feelings of trepidation not knowing how people will respond to me once they find out I'm not "white."

As awful as my experiences with racism were for me, I will not profess to have the experiences of my black friends and their families. I hurt to think about the fear I've heard them express at leaving their house every day. My heart breaks to hear their stories of the fear they have for their children. Will they run a red light and get pulled over? Will they be walking home from the gas station with a candy bar and be chased down, or more horrifically be gunned down, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time?

As I write this my stomach turns. I can feel the pain welling up in my throat. I believe in the power of good leadership. At this moment, I find myself reeling from the "leadership" that was displayed during the first "presidential" debate. What's wrong with our country when our very own President CANNOT denounce white supremacy? Instead, he calls out to the Proud Boys to "stand back and stand by."

What in the hell just happened? I sat there stunned. Did that really just happen? Did I blink and miss it? All he had to do was utter one simple word..."Yes. Yes, I denounce white supremacy." What kind of leader, particularly one in the highest office, doesn't want to bring peace and harmony to the group they are leading? Sadly, in this case, the group the leader is leading is the citizens of the UNITED States of America. How can we be united if we have someone driving a wedge deeper and deeper into the fabric of our country?

For years, I have admittedly tried to stay out of the political arena. It felt so far off, untouchable really. How can I have an impact? I'm a single woman in a sea of millions. What effect could I possibly have? These are the questions that have held me back. But, the recent events have awakened a fire within me. I do not want to stand on the sidelines anymore. I can't sit by and watch my friends and loved ones, hell - even myself, be abused in such a horrific way.

So, last night I posted on my Facebook page about how the debates sealed the deal for me. Not because I was oscillating between Trump and Biden, but because I have always wanted to have more than two choices. I knew that Trump stood no chance of getting my vote, but I wanted to hear Biden. I wanted to see if he could earn my vote, or if I would vote for a third party as I have done in at least two other elections. After the abomination I witnessed coming from the current disgrace that's somehow taking up residency in the White House, I found resolution in the fact that character matters to me more than policy. And, while I fervently support efforts to offer more options to voters, sadly, our country has not moved past the two party system. So this year, while I will begin to promote Approval voting for 2024, I will cast my vote for someone who was more poised, showed more decorum, and most important, displayed some degree of empathy for American citizens.

I welcome any comments and thoughts you might have. I just ask that you practice good judgement. I won't allow disrespect to infiltrate my page, but I do want to hear from all sides. Conversations about race and politics always incite feelings of discomfort for me. But, I'm ready to listen, learn, and grow. Will you join me?